Brigitta Keeps Interrupting “DO-RE-MI”
by ISABELLA DAWIS
First-year BM Soprano
♫ “When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything–” ♫
[music stops, play grinds to a screeching halt]
Brigitta: I thought you just said ONE WORD FOR EVERY NOTE?
Maria: Yes, I did, Brigitta, that’s right.
Brigitta: But when you sing “a-ny-thing,” you are using up threeee notes on ooooone word. I find that confusing.
Maria: Well, sometimes we do that. Hm. Maybe I should have said, “one syllable for every note.” Thank you for clarifying. Any more questions from the peanut gallery?
Kurt: Please explain to me the vocal mechanism by which phonation is produced.
Gretl: What exactly do you mean by “when you KNOW THE NOTES to sing?” Do you mean, when we know the syllables that go with each note? Or when we know the order in which to put the notes so as to form the song in question? Or when we know the pitches of the C major diatonic scale, excluding all other notes from
different keys and tonal systems?
Marta: What does it mean to KNOW something? How can we separate knowledge from our own selves and our own existence? What is truth?
Maria: I’m so glad you asked. I was hoping you wouldn’t notice that I hadn’t explained these things to you, but you’re cleverer than I thought. Let’s abandon this silly song, and let’s try to find all the gaps in the two-minute music theory lesson I’ve just given you. After I’ve answered all your questions, we can really start at the very beginning, go back a few thousand years to Mesopotamia, and look at cuneiform notation…
…The Von Trapp children never sang again.