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New England Conservatory Takes NCAA Title

Once again, we find ourselves at the end of a long football season of the National Conservatory Athletics Association (NCAA) in which New England Conservatory has emerged victorious. This year’s NCAA Super Bowl was a hard-fought battle between the NEC Penguins and the Colburn Cougars. NEC pulled off the thrilling 24-17 victory with the help of their star quarterback, Paul Lueders, who threw for two touchdowns, ran for another, and dazzled the crowd with the big oboe solo from Don Juan.

The road to the championship was a long one. NEC edged out The Curtis Institute in the semifinals after a comeback led by the electric and eclectic halfback, Billy McShane, who ran for two touchdowns, kicked the winning field goal, and amazed coaches and audience members alike with a sideline saxophone serenade. Colburn ousted Juilliard in the previous round to advance to the championship. The victory was decided when a Juilliard player fumbled the ball and refused to pick it up because it touched the ground, allowing a Colburn Cougar to recover the fumble seventy-nine yards for the go-ahead touchdown.

At the beginning of the year, it seemed that Berklee College of Music would be a force to be reckoned with, but as the season went on, it was clear that Berklee was only good at ultimate Frisbee. The preseason number-one-ranked team, the Eastman Eagles, faltered down the stretch, losing to the Cleveland Institute of Music, Peabody, and Indiana University’s Jacobs School before getting smashed like the hammer in Mahler 6 by Curtis in the first round of the playoffs.

The Penguins were led by their bold and talented coach, Hankus Netsky. When asked to comment on the victory, Netsky replied, “I didn’t know we had a football team or a newspaper.”

The road to a repeat will be lengthy and difficult. Juilliard, Colburn, and Curtis will all be restocked with new recruits, and Boston Conservatory is coming very close to closing a deal with Keith Lockhart to be their new head coach. However, the NEC football team will be at it again once fall rolls around, primed to defend their trophy— a golden bust of Ludwig von Beethoven.

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